Hollywood Justice Division part 1: Revengers Assemble.

T'were a right faggot of a morning. The rain was pissing down on the town like an intoxicated vagrant upon the tiled floor of a sheltered shop doorway in the dead of night. A terrible stench stirred and lingered in the air about this place, as if a million Indian elephants were simultaneously flatuating through their asses and trunks after working their way through the entire worlds supply of their native curry dishes. All in all, it was a fairly pleasant start to a day which would change the world of Natalie Porkman forever.
For those of you yet to have discovered the legend of Natalie Porkman, in a nutshell, one day she ate some tainted magical bacon. That night as she slept, she dreamed she was savaged and ravaged by an army of super warrior pigs. When she awoke, she discovered that she too was blessed and also burdened with the powers and responsibilities of a warrior-pig..!!!
Anyway, it was in her home town of Porkland, Oregano, where this adventure takes place.
On this right old faggot of a morning as aforementioned, Natalie Porkman (NP) was on her early morning trip to gather breakfast. Her usual preference for this nourishment came in the form of a classic British dish which contains the ingredients of pig and chicken fetus, jammed between 2 slices of bread. Considering the forthcoming events of the day, this breakfast could well be described as portentous, though we should note it was a fairly regular choice for NP, so... nothing really mystical about it.
So... speeding things up a bit here, she was ambushed on her way to breakfast by a hoard of evil hens or chickens... maybe cocks, but I didn't want to use the sentence ´Natalie Porkman was set upon by a gang of nasty Cocks on her way to breakfast´. Anyway, these chicken/hens/cocks were sent out to get her by sworn enemy ´Tim Hen-Man´.
This nemesisism pertains to the time NP rejected the sexual advances of the Hen-Man and also insulted his tennis prowess. Porkman said that Henman couldnt even beat Stephen Hawk-skin at tennis. She was right to decline his advances, and also right about his poor tennis skills but Hen-Man is a proud cock of a Hen-Man and so took these fair criticisms to heart and so was begotten the feud of which lore is now being spoken.
In short Porkman is the good guy, Hen-Man the bad.
So on this lovely faggot of a morning which I have been posturing to inform thee of, loads of cocks set about Porkman and chased her into the woods. The gang was led by a peculiar looking creature, a hench(wo)man of Hen-Man´s named Christina Hen-Dicks. As Hen-Dicks and her crew were chasing our lovely but tiring Porkman through the woods, they had almost caught up with her and the most cruelest of fates awaited her when SWOOSH!! BANG!!! SPLAT!!! a massive tree fell upon the chasing, ravenous cocks, blasting most of them to smitherines and dispersing the few remaining (which included Hen-Dicks, luckily for her). As Porkman gathered her breath and took account of the miracle which had just saved her, the felled tree began to rumble and amazingly started to un-fall.:!!
Gob-smacked, Porkman looked up as the tree became erect and she spotted his face..!!
"I am Morgan Tree-Man!" Observed the tree as he introduced himself to Porkman.

.... To be continued

There you go.. an interesting story for you. But I will only publish more if I have at least 10 comments from 10 different people asking for it. Otherwise, nobody is worthy of receiving said legend yet. It has to be desired to be delivered.

Good tidings,

Wilf

Adventures part 1

Dickhole Kidman: Hi there, I'm Dickhole, nice to meet you.!

Sandra Bollock: Yes, I know who you are, you live at the end of my street.! I am Sandra Bollock, you can call me Sandra Bollock.

Dickhole Kidman: Oh, Ok Sandra Bollock, ....

***Commotion***

Sandra Bollock: (panicing voice) What the hell was that..???

Dickhole Kidman: Oh, dont worry about that, Wesley Wipes is here again.. He has a job to do around the corner..

Wesley Wipes: Lets get in there and get that ass cleaned up.

Sandra Bollock: Oh yeah.. always takes me by surprise..

Leg Ryan: Hey, what is all the commotion up there, I'm trying to get some peace and quiet.

Kanye Breast: Hey..!! Look at me..!! I am a tit..!!!


This concludes Adventures part 1 - a new regular feature of the blog which contains adventures. Adventures of characters featured in 'Dustbin Hoffman and Al Cappuccino Walk into a Bar', the soon to be best selling book by up and coming ancient author, Wilfred Williamson-Whitehead.

The e-book is cheap and pretty fucking good. There are links all over this page to buy it in various places. Amazon has it. Smashwords has it. Loads of places have it.. its not hard to find... here is the amazon link .. http://www.amazon.com/Dustbin-Hoffman-Cappuccino-Walk-into-ebook/dp/B00LDBREWC

This is US site.. but its in all of them around the world.

Tell your friends about this happening, and please leave some comments if you have read this.. I've made a few posts so far and still dont know if anyone is paying attention..!


Thank you... have a good day.

The Adventures of Sandra Bollock, Dickhole Kidman, Wesley Wipes, Kanye Breast and co.....

Also find out what Goose Willis and Canoe Reeves are up to.. ONLY in the not best-selling book 'DUSTBIN HOFFMAN & AL CAPPUCCINO WALK INTO A BAR'.

GET BOOK NOW..!

Available at most online book retailers.. try amazon and smashwords .. pretty much anywhere you can think of.
Its really cheap and will change your life...!!!

Namaste.

Dickhole Kidman

Oh ok... so i got some feedback and people want to know what the hell is going on ...
Well ... have a look....


"Which Hollywood star lives in a sack?"

"Sandra Bollock"

See...? ..Funny haha

More..? ..ok

"Which Hollywood star has the biggest hands?"

"Drew Carrymore"



"Which Hollywood star is terrible at carrying drinks?"


"Ben Spiller"


"Which Hollywood star helps out at the nursing home?"


"Wesley Wipes"


Now you get it... theres over 500 of these mother f-ing things in the ebook. Get it. Its joyful.


Wanna find out the answer to these riddles?

Which Hollywood star has a musical vagina?


Which Hollywood star keeps getting chased by ghosts?


Which Hollywood star shot Barbie?


Which Hollywood star was grown in a lab?


Which Hollywood star is a secret superhero with powers of a pig?


You know what to do.

Thanks for visiting.

That HBO scientology doc..!

What about that eh?
Mental.. lol
Its dead funny... but scary too..!!
That mother Hubbard was a loony.

Heres another one for you anyway...!!

"Which Hollywood cult leader fell out of his mother too soon...?"

"David Miscarriage"


There you go.

This concludes my first blog. Hope you all (presuming anyone reads) enjoyed. Get the book. Its brilliant.